he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
