so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
