C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
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She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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