we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
