Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
