I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
