can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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