No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
