My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I think a kid would responsible me up
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
