Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
