Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I am never drinking with the goths again.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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