If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
