i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
