census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
