hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you would pick up someone in the library
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You took a bar mat shot.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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