Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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