There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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