Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
