Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I love you. Go after that dick
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
