woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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