According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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