You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
