Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
