and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I wish you could order shots online.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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