I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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