I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
