so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
