Farmville is her only friend.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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