I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I licked your asshole in confidence.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
