Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
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thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
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He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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