She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
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I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
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He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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