his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize