so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
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were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
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I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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