mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
