Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
