He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
