look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize