hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Randomize
