Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
