I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
