No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
