maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize