we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
