remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
It's never too late to be topless.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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