i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize