You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
