you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
