theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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