I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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