My liver just broke up with me...
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
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