Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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