Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
