I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
