I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
