I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
