My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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