One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
