when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
