she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
