I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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