I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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