My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
