babies were throwing up all over the place
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
