I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
