I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
