do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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